Today is one of those days when I just want to quit everything. I just want to go home climb up on my lounger, pull a blanket over my head and stay there. I have no strength, no energy, and no will power. My mind is telling me stuff, like to workout, eat right, take your medicine, you don’t need your medicine. Just too much all at once. I’m almost biting a hole in my lip, trying not to just walk around and randomly scream out loud. Having Bipolar 1 is so frustrating. I don’t have anyone to talk to that understands. I’m really hoping by writing this blog, keeping my hands busy, will stop me from punching and breaking another door in.
I started another gym membership today so I can start back swimming and training. It has been the only outlet to relieve my anxiety and aggression. Now the problem is, I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t want to answer any questions about anything. People want advice about the hair natural hair care I am so good at and weight loss advice on how I lost weight so fast. I’m normally so sharing and ready to tell them, but right now it’s so hard. My brain just won’t act right. Like I literally wouldn’t know what I just said if I wasn’t typing. I smile and tell them what little I can think of but let them know I have to hurry home to a waiting child or whoever. When I get to my vehicle, I pull out my tablet and scribble down the person’s name so I can remember to address their questions later. It’s just …. I don’t know.